Saturday, May 7, 2011

The Hardest Mother's Day So Far

I lost my mom three years ago this past January to a massive heart attack.  My mom wanted so badly to make it to her 80th birthday which she did in December 2007.  I received a call from my dad on January 11, 2008 at around 6am.  I could hear the terror in his voice when he told me that he thought that my mom was dead.  I don't even remember getting dressed or even driving to their house.  I ran into their house, my dad visibly upset and told me that my mom was in the bathroom.  I'm not going to tell you where I found her because I don't want to embarrass her.  All I remember is picking her up and putting her on the floor.  I have no idea where I got the strength from.  I knew that she was gone when I saw her but my police instincts, for lack of better words, and being that this was my mom, I had to do something.  Her upper body wasn't cold but cool to the touch so of course I had to start CPR.  Now I know that any reasonable person would have not tried this but I wasn't thinking rationally at this point.  With the first compression I felt her ribs "pop" but I kept trying.  My dad came in and told me that she was gone.  I told him "I know but I have to do something".  Now my husband had called 911 when I was on my way to my parents home so they didn't take to long to get there.  They came in and, getting out of their way, let them check over my mom.  They called the coroner to pronounce her passing.  They said that she had been gone a couple of hours.  This is the last memory I have of my mom.  By this time, the rest of my family showed up at the house.  My nephew saw the look on my face and he grabbed me and held me while I cried on his shoulder.  We had the viewing the next day.  I had made her a cross necklace the Christmas just before.  Oh how she loved crosses and she loved this one.  So I placed this necklace on my mom and had it cremated with her.  She is in an urn that I bought for her at my father's apartment (he moved right after she died) next to the urn I bought for my dad.  I got them at an antique shop.  So this will be the third Mother's Day without my mom but it still feels like the very first year.  I miss her so much.  We were like best friends.  I could tell her anything and she never judged me.  I don't have anyone that I have this type of a relationship with.  I probably never will.  I could tell her my deepest secrets.  I wish that I would wake up one day and she would be alive again.  I still to this day want to call, or go see her in person, to tell her my accomplishments.  I know she knows but it's just not the same.  I Love you Mom and I miss you terribly.  So cherish the time you have with your mom and treat her to something special this weekend.  You never know when it will be the last Mother's Day you will have with your mom.  So if you and your mom don't see eye to eye on everything, overlook it.  Mend fences if you aren't close.  Be the better person and give in to the argument you just had.  Spend tomorrow with your mom.  Like I already said, and God forbid, it could be the last one you might have.

Here is a picture of my mom and dad on their wedding day, October 24, 1949.  


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